During most of my visits to the dog park, I witness the following chain of events. Two dogs will see, sniff and chase each other. They’ll stop to catch their breath. One dog takes the opportunity to jump on the rear end of the other and thrust a few times. The humping will continue until A1) The owner of the humping dog yells at him to stop or B2) The owner of the humpee pulls the humper off.  The owner of the humper will pull him away from the crowd, scold them, grab his collar and say No! The owner of the humpee will look extremely offended and coddle the violated puppy. (These two owners will also hate the rest of this blog post.)

This will all happen, unless My Dog is the one involved in the little tryst. If he’s doing the humping, I’m cheering him on. If he’s being humped, I’m thinking that he probably deserved it or that he’ll let the other guy know if he’s not enjoying it. The people who know that it’s my dog involved in this salacious act are giving me dirty looks, while the more proactive anti-humpers are already taking names at the scene of the crime.

The common aversion to this canine behavior stems from holding dogs to the same standards or expectations as people. The things that humans do in private, dogs do in public (i.e. poop, pee, hump). Your dog doesn’t come in your bedroom and stop you from humping your girlfriend, so why stop a friendly affair between two doggy friends?

While humans may giggle or turn shades of red during public displays of affection, dogs can swing from one dog to another with no shame. I’m more embarrassed that I bend over, wrap my hands around a warm piece of poop, inevitably get a whiff of it, and carry it around like some sort of prize until I get to my garbage can. You should be too.

Another people-centric protest is that humping is disgusting. First of all, that’s not what you said when you were with your fiancé last night. Second, dogs are disgusting. They are slightly smelly, their breath usually smells bad and they don’t even clean off their own eye boogers. Why not classify humping as just another “disgusting” dog habit that you eventually learn to tolerate?

Here are some reasons why dogs hump: to exert dominance or demonstrate their excitement, because it feels good, or as a form of play. In the life of a dog, these are all noble pursuits. Please let dogs be dogs. As long as he/she is neutered/spayed, hump away….