If you know my halo-donning eighty pound puppy who greets you at full speed with a nose-inspection of your pant pockets, you are immediately shocked that this lovable creature would be unfairly banned from all franchise locations of Central Bark for the rest of his life. While the specifics of the “incident” that led to his dismissal were never fully disclosed to me, I’ve concluded that an employee’s ineptitude or another dog’s provocation forced Mack to engage in said inappropriate behavior. I also have suspicions revolving around the manager’s efforts to permanently remove a blog post titled, Dogs Hump #Fact, from the World Wide Web once he discovers the author’s identity. Whatever the case may be, Mack is entirely faultless.
As if I was part of a bad parent-teacher conference, the manager took me aside, saying that Mack was “no longer welcome” at their facility. When I got in the car, I shouted “Ya know what? My Dog is too good for daycare anyways!” Mack cocked his head in agreement. Here are the reasons why:
(1) Mack needs more space. When Mack gets excited, he likes to run around in thirty foot circles. Daycare does not give him enough room to engage in his own little happy dance.
(2) Mack is special. He is cuter and smarter and more well-behaved than most dogs around. He should not be treated like other dogs. He needs special attention and care that he will now receive from the comfort of his own home.
(3) Mack is a well-rounded mutt. I do not want him socializing or interacting with those snotty purebreds with all the specialized skills and specific health problems.
(4) Mack has more important things to do. He explained to me, “I need time to chew on my bone, look out the front window, and do hourly perimeter checks of the house. And what about my six & a half hour nap? I don’t have time for all this when I go to daycare.”
(5) Mack needs alone time. He prefers a cold, dark, solitary walk at 5 AM versus socializing with other dogs all day long only to be persecuted for his “inappropriate” behavior.
From my point of view, Mack must be too good for daycare because he cannot possibly be too bad for daycare. This is the experience of a proud pet owner and parent. We excuse their naughtiness because of the time of day or an external force. We get angry with them during the same instant that we forgive them for running away from our backyard. Unconditional love is powerful stuff. Powerful enough to make me defend and dote on a creature that knocks over small children and eats baby rabbits. Who gets kicked out of doggie daycare and saves me $26.50 every week.