I’m not the only person sacrificing sleep, neglecting the dog and the dishes to watch as many minutes of the 2012 Summer Olympics as possible. As I watch the triumphs and tragedies of each competitor, a glimmer of hope sparkles in the corner of my teary eye. I’ve begun to believe that I can go to Rio de Janeiro in 2016. Although these Olympic dreams are as realistic as Being on the Bachelor, I’d still like to explore some potential options.

Steeplechase

If you are a St. Eugene Alumni, you recall the Junior Olympics steeplechase. I’m remembering correctly that I did not fall into the creek… I did outrun that flock of eighth grade girls. My shoes and shorts were not caked in creek gook when I finished in first place.

Badminton

As long as I play a team from China or South Korea during the first round, I could win at least one game. Let me know if you’d like to be my partner.

Weightlifting

Based solely on the fact that there are only two US women competing in London, I think my chances are solid. I will try not to giggle while I complete strangely named weightlifting maneuvers, such as snatch and clean & jerk.

US Soccer Team Goalie

One more inappropriate Twitter comment or positive drug test, Hope Solo is out and I am in.

Trampoline

Growing up, I jumped on a tiny trampoline in my basement and did flips on a huge trampoline in the backyard. My most recent experience has been on water trampolines. I believe this diverse array of trampolining would set me up for success. I hope the Olympic Committee agrees.

Coxswain

The likely option for my Olympic debut will be a Coxswain. I am small, very good at sitting and I can yell at people. Gold.

So, what’s your Olympic dream?