Why You Should Work From Home

No more driving! An accident on I-94 will not make you late. After a stressful day at work, accidents and oncoming traffic will not faze you. You will not miss sitting in your car for 44 minutes each day.

Flexible shower schedule! Wake up and throw your hair in ponytail. No mirror necessary. You can take that shower over lunch or after your eight-to-five. Do not accept video conference calls. For the extra suspicious, cover the computer camera with a Post-It.

Privacy while pooping! No more shame in public restrooms or searching for an empty stall. Your bathroom is always open for business. Say goodbye to the one-ply. Your throne has Charmin Ultra Strong.

More food options! You can eat hot breakfast at your desk. No brown paper bags or spending money eating out. Imagine opening your own fridge and wondering: Do I want to cook something on the stove or in the oven?

Be more productive! Laundry will not take up your precious weekend time. Vacuum or water the flowers in between conference calls. Take that dog for a walk during your break.

Fart freely! The odor cannot be blamed on your burrito-eating cube mate anymore, but you will feel the health benefits of letting your farts fly. No more tummy aches or crankiness. Free flatulence equates to happiness.

Follow your own dress code! Slip on sweatpants and join the ranks of the remote workers. No need to impress your boss or cooler, younger coworkers with your style-sense. Trade in your high heels, honey. Those slippers are calling your name.

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