Aside

4 Variations Of Where To Look While Your Dog Poops That Make You Feel Less Awkward

[This post was originally published by Thought Catalog at www.thoughtcatalog.com on May 13, 2015. To see the post in all of its Thought Catalog-y Glory, you can click here. Or just read on…]

Your dog walks faster and starts to circle. You know what’s next. He looks straight ahead, concentrates on his task. Sensing your own unfixed, awkward eyes, you wonder, where am I supposed to look while this is happening? You must decide, so choose wisely.

1. At The Poop

This is not a popular or glamorous choice, but it is sometimes necessary. For example, your poor doggy has been sick, so you’ve been monitoring his poop to see if he’s feeling better. Or perhaps your puppy swallowed your necklace charm while chomping on your purse last night. Maybe you offered her blueberry pancakes scraps and wondered about the…impact. You’re just keeping your eyes on the prize.

2. At The Dog

This is the socially responsible option. Your body language essentially announces to the passerby or lurking neighbor, “I am aware of my pooping dog and I will be able to find the pile.” While you are watching your dog, please avoid staring without blinking, huge grins or any excited eyebrow movements. This way, you will project an attentive dog owner vibe versus a creepy-potential-ASPCA-suspect-sort-of-thing.

3. At The Bag

Another delightful focal point if you sense your dog prefers/deserves a moment of privacy. Obviously, any plastic bag undergoes a rigorous screening process prior to your walk with Fido. The bag in your pocket has proven a worthy collector because of its relative thickness, appropriate size and lack of visible holes or tears. Take this moment for one last inspection. If you assume there is a barrier between hand and feces and instead feel hot goop seep into your cuticles and around your nicely manicured nails, you can only wish that you checked twice.

4. At The Sky

Gazing at the clouds is not an actual recommendation, though may be born out of necessity or nastiness. Did you forget a poop bag? Are you interested in pissing off your noisy neighbor? Perfect. Just as your pup performs his pre-poop dance, fill your face with awe, tilt your head back and behold the sky’s brilliant colors. Pretend you never knew so that you and your loyal pooch can stroll off into the sunset with a lighter load.

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