A tingly numbness started in the heel of the left foot, through the hamstring and into the gluteus muscles. Mile by mile, I watched the pain move up and down my leg. I made note of each ache, compiling a full report for my next physical therapy appointment. I thought I wasn’t strong enough or something needed to work itself out. I kept running.
When I sat down, the pain pinched the hip and irritated the gluts and thigh with a stinging heat. During the workday, I was imprisoned by a ninety-degree angle, shifting in my desk chair and readjusting my hips without relief. I could not take a break or else I would fall behind. I kept working.
“Pain is a sign that something needs to change.”
The passage glowed, lifted itself from the page like a scene in a 3-D movie. Yes! There was a lesson here. There was a reason for this pain. If I could just find the right stretch or let go of my emotional burdens, the pain would lift and I’d be back on track again. I kept running.
yes i have some worries, anxieties and fears starting with the dark and strangers with slow walks – am i lonely or just alone – will i have enough time – she’s going to say this and then i’ll say that who am i kidding neither one of us will say anything let me think about that again – that noise sounded creepy – my shoulders are tight – where will i go from here – i feel a bit sick – what if so-and-so dies – did i feed the dog – what is he thinking – i’m wasting my time – do i drink too much read too much work out too much eat too much ugh i do not clean enough – i hope he’ll be home soon he hasn’t called – that ice is going to freeze around the gutter – the garage door might not go up – will the sage bush survive this summer – help me remember this moment – stop waiting around get off the couch – ah i forgot to do that today i feel tired i will do it tomorrow i really should do it today no i’ll do it tomorrow – i’ve worn this outfit already what will she think – who cares stop caring – this looks just fine – worries anxieties and fears i have a few more but will head for the door.
What are some of your worries, anxieties and fears?
I am consistently appalled when seeing someone on their phone instead of interacting with the person next to them or enjoying the scenery. Apparently, you are allowed to stare at your phone while you are out to dinner. This is socially acceptable now. Fine.
There are some spaces that should remain sacred. These should be the cell-phone-free corners of the world, places where it is always inappropriate, unnecessary, pointless to be looking at, talking on, texting with or even holding a phone.
A certain mood strikes me on a regular basis. I start scanning the house for things I no longer want. I check my closet for a nubby sweater or the basement for a dusty decoration. I put it in the Goodwill closet.
Giving it away feels good. Not the “giving” part, but the “away” part. Proving my detachment. If I can choose to relieve myself of things I am attached to now, perhaps that will ease the transition when something is ripped from my hands. Something or someone.
I’m turning 29 next week. I might as well be thirty, since it’s the same thing. After you are twenty-five, you are basically thirty.
I find new gray hairs while examining a pimple. This doesn’t seem quite fair, but it is ironic in an Alanis Morissette kind of way.
I’m done with friendship and relationship drama. If you’re interested in getting mad or arguing over pettiness, I’m not interested in being around you.
Miss Early Bird is about to get serious about poetry, people. A few poetry pieces are in the works, to be unveiled next month. You can sign up to receive new posts via email so that you do not miss any Poet Moments.