[This post was originally published by Thought Catalog at www.thoughtcatalog.com on June 2, 2015. To see the post in all of its Thought Catalog-y Glory, you can click here. Or just read on…]
Apparently, I am going to have a baby soon. No, this is not my “I’m knocked up!” announcement. If I was actually pregnant, I would obviously post something on Facebook so that you’d be the first to know.
A majority of my ideas regarding getting pregnant, being pregnant and having a baby are whispered to my husband with the preface, “Do Not Tell Anyone That I Feel This Way.”
Yet, here I am Telling Everyone That I Feel This Way.
[This post was originally published by Thought Catalog at www.thoughtcatalog.com on May 13, 2015. To see the post in all of its Thought Catalog-y Glory, you can click here. Or just read on…]
Your dog walks faster and starts to circle. You know what’s next. He looks straight ahead, concentrates on his task. Sensing your own unfixed, awkward eyes, you wonder, where am I supposed to look while this is happening? You must decide, so choose wisely.
yes i have some worries, anxieties and fears starting with the dark and strangers with slow walks – am i lonely or just alone – will i have enough time – she’s going to say this and then i’ll say that who am i kidding neither one of us will say anything let me think about that again – that noise sounded creepy – my shoulders are tight – where will i go from here – i feel a bit sick – what if so-and-so dies – did i feed the dog – what is he thinking – i’m wasting my time – do i drink too much read too much work out too much eat too much ugh i do not clean enough – i hope he’ll be home soon he hasn’t called – that ice is going to freeze around the gutter – the garage door might not go up – will the sage bush survive this summer – help me remember this moment – stop waiting around get off the couch – ah i forgot to do that today i feel tired i will do it tomorrow i really should do it today no i’ll do it tomorrow – i’ve worn this outfit already what will she think – who cares stop caring – this looks just fine – worries anxieties and fears i have a few more but will head for the door.
What are some of your worries, anxieties and fears?
My Own Distinct Voice is more timid than I prefer. I am quiet in a conversation when I should let myself be heard. If I can find the words, there are likes and umms and an undercutting ending of “but…I don’t know.”
As any psychologically stable person would do to cope with such inadequacies, I created an alter ego. Welcome, Miss Early Bird. Her writing voice is so polished and confident, always self-assured. Ah, I envy the hours she spends crafting her response when I have mere seconds to react in real conversation.
[This post was originally published by Thought Catalog at www.thoughtcatalog.com on March 23, 2015. To see the post in all of its Thought Catalog-y Glory, you can click here. Or just read on…]
I am consistently appalled when seeing someone on their phone instead of interacting with the person next to them or enjoying the scenery. Apparently, you are allowed to stare at your phone while you are out to dinner. This is socially acceptable now. Fine.
There are some spaces that should remain sacred. These should be the cell-phone-free corners of the world, places where it is always inappropriate, unnecessary, pointless to be looking at, talking on, texting with or even holding a phone.
A certain mood strikes me on a regular basis. I start scanning the house for things I no longer want. I check my closet for a nubby sweater or the basement for a dusty decoration. I put it in the Goodwill closet.
Giving it away feels good. Not the “giving” part, but the “away” part. Proving my detachment. If I can choose to relieve myself of things I am attached to now, perhaps that will ease the transition when something is ripped from my hands. Something or someone.
No more driving! An accident on I-94 will not make you late. After a stressful day at work, accidents and oncoming traffic will not faze you. You will not miss sitting in your car for 44 minutes each day.
Flexible shower schedule! Wake up and throw your hair in ponytail. No mirror necessary. You can take that shower over lunch or after your eight-to-five. Do not accept video conference calls. For the extra suspicious, cover the computer camera with a Post-It.
My most recommended movies on Netflix are prison documentaries. The dynamics and social organization of prisons have always fascinated me. Minus the overarching violence, implicit gang and drug activity, and being in close proximity to felons and murderers, I find several other aspects of prison life extremely appealing. Here are the reasons why I would not mind going to prison.